


i mixed up telling you i love you

by Jsscshvlr



Series: it's the most wonderful time of the year [2]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: 5 + 1, 5 Times, Christmas Fluff, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Identity Reveal, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker is Jewish and the author will acknowledge this v soon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28055310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jsscshvlr/pseuds/Jsscshvlr
Summary: 5 times Peter tries to give MJ a holiday mixtape and 1 time he does.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Series: it's the most wonderful time of the year [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053131
Comments: 132
Kudos: 65
Collections: Twelve Days of Promptmas





	1. all i want for christmas is you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promptmas: opening gifts

So the thing is - he’s in love. It’s utterly the most terrifying feeling he’s ever experienced and he had a garage building dropped on him not long ago. Because he’s not in love with just anyone - he’s in love with Michelle. 

Michelle Jones. His best friend in the entire world, well on par with Ned but still. It’s different to Ned - he doesn’t want to kiss Ned. He doesn’t want to tell Ned every thought he’s ever had. He doesn’t want to know exactly what Ned had for dinner and what he enjoyed about the last episode of Dr Who. Well actually he does want to know that but it’s _different_. 

He wants to know what makes Michelle’s face light up like he often sees happen from across the library at school. He wants to _know_ , he doesn’t want to have to ask. He’s pretty sure she’ll tell him. He’s her best friend too. He thinks - they’ve never really discussed it.

He asks May about twelve times a day how he could go about advancing their friendship into a relationship - and honestly, she’s not got the best advice. ‘Just ask her out’?! As if. He’s only just managed to regulate his breathing when she looks right at him, and it’s only because he was pretty sure she was gonna call him out on it soon enough. 

It’s coming up to Christmas and he has no idea what to get her. May has no idea either if her ideas of a purse were anything to go by. Does Michelle even wear purses? What colour would she like? He asks numerous people he webs up on the streets and they don’t know either?! Some of them were at least 25 so surely are married and have good present ideas? Rude. 

He settles somehow on a mixtape - he thinks giving her the actual CD will make it more retro than just a playlist - you can still buy CD players right? He can write the titles down in case it doesn’t work. 

His main issue when it comes to giving her the present is that she’s smiling at him more at school and it means he can barely talk around her. So he can’t slyly ask her what her favourite Christmas songs are. He’s silent and bright red when MJ and Ned discuss doing something Christmassy at Ned’s house at the weekend, only managing to offer a nod when she asks him if he can make it. He’s planning on turning his phone off so he can’t see any crime alerts because he really needs his full attention if he’s going to tell her he likes her. 

The day of the ‘Christmas extravaganza’ (MJ’s words and he almost asked her to move in with him) at Ned’s comes around quicker than he’s prepared for - but it’s okay. The CD is ready, the tracklist is written on a piece of paper that he can slip inside the case when he finds very funky. He’s even drawn a few little doodles on the corners which he thinks she’ll enjoy. Maybe she’ll even do the soft smile at him - the one she tries to hide. He also got Ned a lego set so he’s not playing favourites.

He’s feeling semi-confident about giving her the gift, even if he tells her he likes her and she doesn’t feel the same - he’s sure their friendship will be okay. He can get over her while still hanging out with her, how hard could it be? They were friends for at least two months before she borrowed one of his hoodies and fell asleep on his couch and he realised there was really nowhere else he would rather be. And he gets to swing around Queens on webs he made himself. She makes everything else seem dull in comparison and he realised he didn’t hate it, happy to live in a greyscale until he can sense her around and then everything is multicolour. 

He’s daydreaming about what she’s going to say when he manages to stutter out how much he cares about her when he turns the corner of the school corridor and sees MJ with her head thrown back in laughter at something Brad is saying. Eurgh, why did he have to have a growth spurt over summer? It’s rude! Peter is a standard height and almost definitely still growing daily, he asks Karen all the time - he’ll probably be taller than Michelle in no time. 

As he walks over, he watches Brad pull out a gift and give it to Michelle - he’s not even sweating about it! He hears her say that it’s the ‘best gift she’s ever got’ and his chest plummets to the floor. He backs up, watching the freshman trample over his newly broken heart and decides he’s not going to give MJ the mixtape CD hybrid, not when Brad gave her something she likes so much and he barely spent three dollars on her. She won’t be expecting a gift from him anyway, they’ve barely been friends a year - it would have been weird. 

Later that evening he’s managed to turn up early to Ned’s, planned, so he can give Ned his lego set without feeling awkward around Michelle. Also so he can tell Ned in length how he’s never going to be able to ask her out and will just live in misery for the rest of time and Ned will give him some homemade lumpia and some ice cream. 

Ned is ecstatic with his gift from Peter - always managing to act as though the gift he received isn’t ten times smaller and cheaper than the gift he gives Peter. It’s been that way since middle school, it’s just the way it is and it’s never bothered either of them. 

“Shall we start it now? It’s a couple thousand pieces so we can get a good head start before winter break.” Ned says excitedly but waiting for confirmation before opening the box. 

Peter’s about to respond when he hears Michelle walking towards the bedroom door, “You better be decent dorks.” She shouts while not waiting for a response and swinging the door open. It’s honestly rude that he hasn’t seen her in three hours and somehow she managed to get even more beautiful. 

“Sup, losers.”

“Jones,” Ned says as if he’s completely unphased by her appearance. 

“Hey, Michelle,” Peter says as if he’s about to propose to her. 

She sits down with them on the floor and asks numerous questions about the lego set without giving either of the time to respond. Peter smiles widely at her, almost forgetting that she definitely likes Brad and not him. 

“Oh thanks, MJ. Peter bought it for me for Christmas! We’ve almost got the full set now - well until they release the next batch.” Ned says while trying to carefully open the box. 

“You exchanged already? Rude asses.” She replies with a mock grin that makes his heart soar. 

“Calm your boots, I haven’t given mine out yet and Pete hasn’t given you yours because you were late.” 

_What?!_ Are they both expecting him to have something for her? Should he have bought something else other than a love declaration? She hasn’t mentioned gifts at all. She wouldn’t even tell them when her birthday was. Sure he may or may not have found out anyway and left chocolate in her locker but he has denied that from the start and will deny it now.

“I am on time, nerd. Anyway -”

“I only got Ned a gift because he’s my best friend.” He shouts out so fast he’s surprised either of them heard him. 

“Oh… okay?” Michelle responds but she looks hurt by his outburst. It wasn’t his intention. He wants to tell her he really really likes her, maybe even more than that - but he’s messed up with worrying about what to get her that he’s managed to get her nothing and tell her she’s not his best friend all in the time it took for her to take her coat off. 

“Anywho, here MJ.” Ned says pulling them out of a pit of awkwardness. When she flicks her gaze from the floor to Ned’s hands Peter can see her eyes are glassy and it’s the worst feeling in the world. 

“Thanks, Ned.” She replies uncharacteristically softly. If Ned recognises he doesn’t call her out on it. He wordlessly hands Peter his gift like he’s mad at him. He’s mad at himself so he can understand. 

He watches as Michelle’s face lights up with a gift of two books, both second hand because that’s how she likes them, and she reads the blurbs that he knows she’s read a hundred times with a smile on her face.

“Thank you, dork. This is the best gift I ever got.” _Wait, what?_ And she holds her fist out for him to bump and Peter watches in jealousy when it turns into a handshake.

She turns around to grab her backpack while Peter plays the words she said over and over again in his mind. Does she say that to everyone? Should he have bought the mixtape? Should he have bought _anything_? Probably.

“Don’t be weird about it.” She says to both of them but only looks at Ned as she hands them both cards. God, he could have at least got her a card. He notices almost immediately that Ned has ‘dork numero uno’ on the front of his and he has ‘dork numero dos x’ and the tiny not so insignificant kiss has his heart beating way too fast and way too loud. 

Opening the card he sees a long message written in it that he’s sure is going to make him cry even if it just says he’s a dork for twenty-five lines. She wrote him something and he feels so awful. But that’s not the thing that makes the lump in his throat grow - a drawing slips out. No bigger than A5 but it’s of all three of them sat on his sofa and it’s the best gift he’s ever received. 

Peter is in the middle in a Spider-Man Santa hat and he forgets to remember he should be nervous she might find out his secret, well one of his secrets. Ned has a Star Wars jumper on and is cheesing so hard it makes Peter smile, and when he looks over to Ned and he’s doing the exact same thing while looking at his drawing.

Michelle looks flawless in her drawing and in real life when he chances a look at her and she’s biting her lower lip like she’s nervous. Her gaze flicks to meet him and he feels so many emotions that he has to look away. Embarrassment for not thinking about getting her something, shame for shouting out that she’s not his best friend as if anyone would ever believe that anyway. Love for the girl in front of him, nervously wringing her hands.

At the bottom of the page, it reads, ‘we’re the three best friends that anyone could have’ and he lets out an ugly watery laugh because Michelle _hates_ that movie and he feels like garbage. 

_I love you._ He thinks for the millionth time. 

“I love it, MJ. Thank you.” He says with unshed tears and he hopes beyond belief that she figures out he’s just nervous and unquestionably in love with her and he can’t help but act like a dork around her. 

She shakes her head like it's nothing. He swallows around the lump in his throat and wonders if he should just tell her about the plan, or would she think it's pity? He should have listened to May. 

"Shall we start the lego set?-” Michelle starts and then looks awkward as she finishes “- Or is it like… a you two thing?" She asks pointing between him and Ned and he can feel the glare coming from Ned. He warns him so often about screwing their friendship with MJ up. Ned would say it out loud if he had to, but he loves Michelle, probably as much as he does, just in a different way.

“No, not us… you can do it with us - I want you to do it with us.” He’s digging a hole at this point and he’s not sure how to get out.

“Calm down, dork.” She says with a slight smile, but he can still see the lingering sadness in her eyes and he almost breaks his fingers trying to stop himself from smoothing the crease between her brows. She pulls one of the books Ned got her to her lap and smiles to herself slowly running her fingers along the cover as if she’s forgotten she’s not alone. Or maybe she’s just that comfortable with them now. 

He spends the rest of the night building lego with Ned and occasionally MJ will hand him the exact piece he was looking for without looking up from her book. Whenever their fingers brush he can feel his pulse thumping in his ears so loud he almost doesn’t hear Ned ask if he wants lumpia. 

MJ smiles every time she writes something in the margin of her book and he thinks over and over again, next year, next year he won’t mess up. He’ll give her the mixtape.

* * *

_I won't even stay awake to hear those magic reindeer click, 'cause I just want you here tonight_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr: i-lovethatforme


	2. have yourself a merry little christmas

After the colossal mess up that was last year's present exchange it took Peter a good three months to get back into Ned’s good graces. And although MJ never outwardly showed she was upset with him, he could tell. And it was the worst.

So he’s planned this year better. It’s just him and Michelle because Ned is out of town. He’s made it explicitly clear that he has a gift for both of them because they’re both his best friends. He’s said it so many times now Ned doesn’t even react unless it’s to side-eye him. It’s worth it though because she tries to hide it, but Michelle’s eyes light up and he catches it before she can hide behind her hair or a book. 

The other difference this year is that they’re exchanging gifts for Chrismukkah, instead of Christmas because Michelle pointed out they should merge the holidays. He fell in love with her more and more as she explained what they could do - if he wanted. He celebrates Christmas every year anyway but the idea of sharing his Jewish faith with Michelle warmed him like May’s matzo ball soup. 

They’re doing the exchange at his place and he’s been alone with Michelle before - like at school, and occasionally in his living room when Ned goes to the bathroom. Has he practised keeping his cool when he imagines MJ looking at him in the confines of his bedroom, knowing that May is at work - maybe. Has it worked? No. 

He tries to remember his breathing exercises when she steps into his bedroom and closes the door. Should the door be closed? Should it be this warm? Has she _always_ been this pretty? He clears his throat as he tries to decide where they should sit. Should he have prepared food? 

“Calm down, weirdo,” Michelle says as she sits down on the floor - the floor is it - with her back to his bed. She’s very close to his pillow, where he _sleeps_. Distracted by the fact that he might fall asleep surrounded by the smell of her, he misses the way she sneaks across the floor to where he is still standing and grabs his ankle. 

He yelps and almost sticks to the ceiling but remembers he hasn’t told her that secret either, so semi-successfully ends up on the floor in a seated position. He’s bright red, she’s laughing - so pretty much how every interaction of theirs goes. He can’t find himself mad at the fact she makes him act like a dork, not when she’s smiling unabashedly at him. 

“Hi.” He says scooting so he’s opposite her on the floor. 

“Hi, dork.” She replies and he swears he can see a hint of blush on her cheeks but it could also be the multicoloured lights May put on his walls for him. They’re reflecting on the different curls in her hair and it might be his favourite sight. He pulls his backpack close to him so he can grab his phone, and she makes a disgruntled noise that sounds so cute it makes him want to take a hundred more photos. 

“It’s the lights, Em! They’re all caught in your hair and it’s nice.” He holds his phone up and pretends to be annoyed that he’s waiting for her to pose for him - but his favourite photos are the ones he gets when she’s trying to hide a smile, or where she’s glaring at him. 

He shows her his favourite photo, the one he swears made his heart stop the second he captured it - and she smiles shyly and pushes his shoulder while he makes it his background. His lock screen is the three of them together because he's not trying to out himself before he's even given her the CD. She does look beautiful in the photo though, but that’s not his fault.

“I’m not giving you your gift if you keep acting like this you know.” She says lightly touching her foot to his knee - he moves back to give her more space, missing the way her face screws up. 

“I would like it please.” He says with added wide eyes because they work on her for a reason he cannot understand, and he waits until she rolls her eyes and pulls a card from her bag. He hopes it’s a drawing. She gives him doodles all the time and they line the inside of his notebook - but he would like another one to frame, like last year. 

His grin stretches ear to ear as he sees ‘dork numero dos x’ and in faux exasperation, he says “why am I always number two, MJ?” 

“Ned’s my favourite.” She replies coolly, and if he didn’t know that she plays with the edge of the cuff of her jumper when she’s lying, he’d be put out by her statement. Not insanely, Ned is great. He rolls his eyes as he opens the card and another a5 piece of paper flies out. 

Looking at it he’s in awe of her talent, and a little scared she’s figured out his secret because in front of him is a coloured drawing of Spider-Man lighting a menorah with a speech bubble that says, ‘What did the candles say when the menorah complained about getting too hot? - Whoa, a talking menorah.’

He laughs loudly because she _knows_ him and he forgets to be sly about his alter ego. “Thank you, MJ. I love it so much.” 

“You’re welcome - I know Spidey is your numero uno.” She says with a smirk. And God, he loves her and seeing her smile makes him do stupid things. 

“You’re my numero uno, Em.”

“Nerd.” She says but it sounds breathy and it gives him the courage to give her the mixtape. He reaches into his bag without taking his eyes off of her.

“Here - merry Chrismukkah, MJ.” He says softly, mesmerised by the way the fairy lights dance in her eyes. God, she’s beautiful.

“Erm - okay.” She says with a confused voice. Dammit, he’s been overthinking this gift for over a year now and he finally convinced himself she’d like it. His eyes drop to the section of carpet he can see between his legs. He’s watched her tell Abe it’s ‘the best she’s ever got’ over a homemade bookmark - although, to be fair, that’s probably correct, he sees her use it all the time. 

God, how has he managed to mess this up again? He hasn’t even gotten around to telling her all the reasons he likes her. It’s an extensive list, he has it written down on his phone - liking to add new instances as they crop up. Yesterday he added that she gave a homeless guy her fresh coffee. He really really likes her and this is so embarrassing. 

“Pete.” Her voice sounds muffled but beautiful and he can’t bring himself to look up from the carpet he’s so embarrassed and hurt. Should he have gotten her a book? She loves books, Ned got her two last year and two this year. Would it look like he was trying to copy his tradition? 

He misses her face but he can’t look back at her without a different gift - but she’s tapping her toes against his shin and he thinks maybe he might survive this - maybe. He can be her friend as long as it’s for forever. Hopefully, her future partner won’t ask for help with gifts because he’s struck out twice in a row. He did successfully give her a t-shirt that says ‘don’t talk to me unless you’re dismantling the patriarchy’ for her birthday that she wears every Thursday - so she must like that, right? 

She starts tapping her toes against his shin faster and he grips her feet in his hands and listens to her laugh as he slowly runs his thumbs along the arches. He smiles at the ground and decides he’s being stupid. Christmas gifts are part of the capitalistic nightmare anyway - or he would be if he’d spent any money on it and not thirteen hours of his time but whatever.

He lifts his head from the ground, excited as always to see how much prettier she’s gotten in the last five minutes and he chokes when he reaches her eyes. Or his mechanical eyes. He spins his neck so fast he’s pretty sure he’s snapped something - still holding her feet - to look in his bag and sure enough, there’s her CD wrapped with a silk bow. Why does he ever listen to Ned? ‘A silk bow is so cute, Peter!’. 

So, yes - he should have double-checked that he was giving her the desired gift and not his Spider-Man mask. But seeing her trying to hold back her laughter while her hair is sticking out underneath the neckline of his mask is enough to get him to mimic the smile he knows she’s got plastered on her face. 

“Karen says Merry Christmas,” Michelle says deadpan and he loves her so much. 

“Give it back!” He says laughing as he pulls her towards him by her feet. She shrieks and he commits that to his memory for the rest of the time as she flails her arms and tries to get away from him. 

He’s not sure how it ended like this, with him between her legs on the cramped floor of his bedroom and his hands pinning her wrists by her head. But he can barely think once he’s figured out that their bodies are touching in a way that is far from innocent and she hasn’t pushed him off yet. She’s underneath him still lightly laughing, and he finds as cute as she looks in his mask, he misses her face. Misses the way she bites her lip when she thinks she’s been laughing too long. 

He lifts one of his hands off of her wrist and internally celebrates when she leaves it where it is. He sees her lips first, wet in a way that suggests she licked them as he began to pull. Her nose comes next and it crinkles as the material moves along it and he thinks about how if she was his gift every year for the rest of time he’d be the happiest person in the world. He’s most excited for her eyes, Michelle thinks she’s stone-faced at all times, but he knows her. Has spent the last year and a half learning every iteration of her face. 

He’s not prepared now though. Not when the mask is finally off and her hair is cascading around her and she’s looking at him like she knows every thought he’s ever had. Like she knows how he texts Ned every night when he gets in to remind him in the morning to buy her tea. Like she knows he spends thirty minutes every day before patrol talking to May about every joke she said that day. Like she knows he’s in love with her. 

He places his hand back on her wrist and she runs her fingers over the top of his hand and he’s not sure when the last time he took a proper breath was. He couldn’t care less, if he dies he dies. He could do it now, he could tell her, he could lean in and press his lips to hers in all the ways he’s thought about. 

His phone going off stops him bending down, makes him get off of her - missing how her eyes go glassy, makes him take the mask for himself and fling himself out of the window with the whisper of an apology.

As he swings to save people from a burning building he thinks, next time. Next time he can tell her. 

* * *

_Faithful friends who are dear to us, gather near to us once more_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> promptmas two: identity reveal
> 
> okayloveyoubyex


	3. last christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promptmas: "i thought this was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year?"

Peter flips down from the ceiling after finishing putting up the multicoloured lights around the border of his and Ned’s living area. It’s his first time decorating a place that isn’t May’s and it’s equal parts scary, sad and exciting. The exciting parts from where he can see his two best friends arguing over whether or not the star should be on top of the tree or something else.

“MJ, it’s the holidays, how is Santa ever gonna find us if we don’t have a star!” Ned says, finishing putting their homemade decorations on the tree. MJ painted them but she let them pick the colours. 

“Dork - if he can see this three-foot tree from way up there, he doesn’t need the star as well! Plus, you haven’t even seen the topper I got for you.” MJ replies sitting back on the couch in Peter’s spot. He hates it when anyone sits there because it throws his senses out and he can’t get comfortable. But he doesn’t mind when it’s her. She can do whatever she wants. 

“A gift?” Ned perks up from behind the tree. He’s putting baubles on the back even though they face the window so Peter can see them when he’s on patrol and he can’t figure out how he got so lucky to have these two as his best friends. 

“It’s homemade.” She says with a smirk because if Ned is a sucker for anything, it’s something Michelle created. 

“What? Lemme see.” Peter chimes in because he too is infatuated with anything she does. She makes beautiful art daily but he swears he’d think anything she could do would be worthy to be in a museum. Everything she touches turns to gold. It’s her superpower.

“Pete?” She says shaking him out of his thoughts, has she caught him staring again? He blushes at the thought, knowing that since he moved in with Ned and she lives across the hall - his secret has been dangerously close to slipping out. He might not even have to say the words if he keeps making it this obvious. She’s the smartest person he knows, she’d have to be oblivious to not know how he feels. 

“Yeah?” He says far too breathy if Ned’s snort is anything to go by. 

“Can you pass my bag, please?” He grabs it from the side of the couch and their fingers brush as he hands it to her. He shivers and locks eyes with her at the touch and she smiles at him like she’s completely unaffected by his skin on hers. He always tries to listen to any signs that she might be interested in him too - like if her pulse quickens like his does when they look at each other for a beat too long. Or if she blushes whenever he accidentally tells her she looks pretty for the tenth time that day. But he can never _focus_ around her. 

Ned tells him all the time to just go for it. It’s MJ, even if she didn’t like him like that, she’d never cut him out of her life. He is her best friend. After Ned.

He watches her as she holds back a smile reaching for the gift, and then watches as her eyes widen when she finds it. She looks over to him and winks as she pulls it out. It could be anything. He can’t bring himself to look away from her long enough to figure out what it is. Her catching his eye has him scrambling to look at anything innocent - he lands on the tree topper. Ned’s screeching, MJ’s laughing with her head thrown back against the couch in a way that would usually have his heart racing but he can’t move. Because she knitted a Spider-Man doll holding a menorah and his heart is so full. 

Ned jumps from behind the tree to grab the doll and throws the star somewhere in the apartment that they’ll probably find in four months. Peter leans over to pull her into a hug because he hasn’t thought of a good enough reason to hug her recently and he misses her. 

“You like him?” She says with her chin hooked over his shoulder when he realises he hasn’t said anything. 

“I love him, MJ. Thank you.” He replies quietly, humming slightly as her hair brushes against his face. She always smells so good. That’s one of the main reasons he lets her sit on his seat. Also because he’s pretty sure she’s trying to goad him into asking her to move. As if he’d ever ask her to do anything she didn't want too. 

“I'm going to get a drink.” She whispers but turns her face to bury into the crook of his neck instead of moving away. “Want anything?” She says and he shivers as her lips brush against his pulse point. He should tell her he’d get it for her, it’s his place. 

“Ned, drink?” She says pulling away from him and leaving his seat unattended to go to the kitchen. 

“Lemonade, please! I’m gonna go get take out - usual?” Ned says untangling himself from another set of lights Peter isn’t sure are gonna fit on the tree. 

“Please. I can swing if you’d like?” Peter says moving quietly into his seat while MJ is preoccupied.

“Nah. Fancy the walk, plus I gotta call Betty and you have freaky hearing and I don’t need you to mock me. Not again.” He says putting his coat and scarf on while Peter cackles and doesn’t feel at all bad about it. 

Ned flips him off as he swings the door shut behind him.

“Here you go, dork -” MJ says looking for Ned with her arm stretched out. And all he can do is splutter because she’s pouting with her eyebrows furrowed in his favourite way and she’s stolen his jumper from God knows where. 

She spins to him and raises her eyebrow in question, “Take out.” He pushes out, completely unaware of how she can bear to be his friend when he can’t hold a conversation around her half the time. 

“Oh, I gathered -” she says placing both drinks on the coffee table in front of the couch “- I’m just wondering why you stole my seat.” She continues in a tone that makes his heart thump violently. He rolls his eyes at her because anything he says will come out far too softly and she’ll pounce on it and he will not hate it. 

“‘Kay.” She says as if she’s not bothered but moves to place herself in his lap and he quickly adjusts his legs so there’s space for her between them. In a friendly way. She throws herself to the couch like she knows he’ll catch her - he does. One hand goes to her back which is parallel to the arm of the couch, and the other goes across her hips to pull her side flush to him, with her bum between his legs, her knees bent over his thigh. 

“Are you alright?” He says mainly to check she’s okay with this position. They’ve never sat like this before. Sure, her head often ends up on his shoulder when they’re watching a movie and usually, he couldn't tell her what the movie was about afterwards. Or her toes would brush his thigh occasionally when she stretched on the couch and it takes a solid six minutes for his breathing to regulate. But never like this. He can feel the heat of her body all over him and it’s taking all over his enhanced senses to just _breathe_. 

“Mmmm.” She says leaning her head on the side of his chest - she must be able to feel his heart going. She probably thinks he’s about to have a heart attack with how loud it is. He blushes from his hair to his toes when he realises his hand is touching her bareback - fingers caught up in the hem of her - his - jumper when he helped her down. He should pull it away, she’ll be getting cold. But she’s so soft and warm under his palm that he absentmindedly runs his thumb up and down. 

She moves slightly and he’s scared he’s crossed a line. He doesn’t know what it is, doesn’t know where it is, but he’s been petrified to do anything to make her uncomfortable for years. He knows she’d tell him or anyone if they did make her feel strange, and she did sit on him - but that doesn’t mean she asked for him to touch her. 

But all she does is lift the jumper above his fingers and pull it back down to cover her back again, with his hand still against her skin. 

She sighs as she settles back against his chest and he didn’t know it could feel like this. He’s loved her from across the couch for years, but loving her this close is something he doesn’t think he’ll get over.

She flips her hair to the back, which leaves the bare skin where her shoulder meets her neck in full view, bar the one stubborn curl that never stays where it’s supposed to. He’s had dreams about moving it for her. He gulps thinking about whether or not that part is as soft as the skin of her back. 

Moving his hand from near her knee he goes to move the stray curl behind her ear. His heart is beating so loudly in his ears he’s surprised it’s not making his fingers shake. Her eyes flick up to his when his fingers trail behind her ear and down her neck and he swallows thickly. His hand settles to cup behind the back of her neck and he feels completely out of his depth and perfectly safe all at once. 

"You're outrageously beautiful, Michelle." He says only stumbling once. 

"Therefore I have value?" She says as though they're discussing dinner. 

"I know you're messing with me." He says revelling in the way she sighs when he moves his thumb against her neck.

Her gaze drops to his lips and he thinks to hell with the mixtape, he just needs to tell her. He doesn’t need a grand unveiling that hasn’t worked the last two times he’s tried it. 

“Hi - nghh.” He closes his eyes huffs out when her fingers run along the hem of his t-shirt and lightly graze across his skin. When he opens his eyes she’s already looking at him with a smirk and the lights bounce off her eyes and truly he’s only one man. She’s probably going to be the death of him but it’s okay, he’d give her whatever she wanted. 

Pulling her closer to him with the hand that’s fused to her back now, she spreads her hand flat underneath his shirt as their noses graze.

And then it all happens in slow motion. His eyes close and the senses that he was using to focus on her, lend themselves to something else. Like the sound of Ned’s footsteps just outside the door, and the key turning in the lock. 

Before their lips ever touch, he’s pulled himself away from her, deposits her on his side of the couch looking shocked and confused as he sits two cushions away and pulls a pillow into his lap as Ned barges through the door. 

“Snowing!” He says completely oblivious to what he’s just stepped into. Unaware of how Peter is never going to forget this moment for as long as he lives. He looks over to Michelle who is doing a stellar job of acting nonchalant but he thinks she looks disappointed. 

“MJ, aren’t you gonna be late?” Ned says as he hangs his coat up. 

“Oh yeah, shit.” She says looking over to him, but he can’t meet her eyes and darts to pick the food up from Ned.

Where’s she going? He thought they were watching stupid films all evening and he was going to slyly attempt to touch her again.

“Be safe tonight, okay? No bruises tomorrow.” She says getting up from his space on the couch, and he doesn’t think sitting there is going to make him feel any better this time. Not now he knows what she feels like in his lap. It takes him too long to realise he’s not planning to go on patrol tonight, he doesn’t think he told her he was going. Be safe where? 

“Wish me luck, nerds.” She says with a sigh and a middle finger, Jesus he loves her, and before he can follow up she’s out the door. 

“Stop pouting, you could have gone with her,” Ned says and he jumps because he’d been so caught up in the way Michelle looked walking away and how he was so close to everything he ever wanted. 

“Huh?”

“The Jones's holiday party! Remember? All her relatives are in town for the first time in God knows how long and she has to go. She cried about it for at least four weeks because she has to wear a dress.”

“What?” He says dumping the containers on the coffee table. “I should - should I go? She hates going to stuff like that alone. Why didn’t she ask one of us?”

Ned levels him with an unimpressed look. “Dude. She asked you weeks ago.” _What?_ He’s pretty sure he’d remember if the love of his life asked him to go to a holiday party with him. To meet all her family members. The ones he’s met already love him, he can impress a couple more uncles. When he met her Dad he used so many unnecessarily fancy words they both laughed at him but she held his hand for the rest of the night because he was nervous, so a win.

“Nononono - I’d have gone. Why aren’t I going?” He says running a hand through his hair. 

“Erm, some Avengers training evening? I think. She asked me as well but you both know I have to go to like eight different parties and I am not adding another one” Ned mumbles as he sits down on the chair next to him and starts talking about finishing the tree lights. Peter could feel bad he’s not helped but one; he did the ceiling, two; he just found out he’s missing spending the evening dressed up with Michelle, and three; Ned would tell him to piss off. 

“That’s been cancelled for days. Ugh - I can’t believe I forgot. It’s too weird to ask her if I can go now right? People have guest lists and numbers for these kinds of things. Maybe I should turn up and pretend I’m meant to be there. She wouldn’t kick me out.” 

Ned stops his spiral over whether or not he should turn up announced at a party where he knows a total of six people and inadvertently breaks his heart in the process. 

“Pete -” he says slowly “- I think she has a date now. Brad or something from her class - I think he went to Midtown.” He looks at him like he knows why he can no longer breathe. He’s left it too long. He’s messed up. He’s missed his chance. 

“Brad?!" He's made because he always had a crush on her at school and clearly has managed to do something about it while Peter stands here like a chump.

Ned levels him with a look.

"Right. Yeah. God, I thought this was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.” Clearing his throat he buries himself further into the couch, in his seat, and tries to stop the lump in his throat that is forming. The cushions smell like her, and it hurts as much as it helps. 

They silently finish their food and Ned goes to complete the lights. When he’s fully in his pity party there’s a knock at the door and then it swings open and MJ’s here again. 

It’s truly rude that she’s allowed to look like that. Ever. Let alone when he’s spent the last hour wallowing about his lost love. 

“Wow.” He chokes out as she walks in, in true Michelle Jones fashion has ignored the dress code and stands in black slacks and a tailored checkered suit jacket. 

“Thanks, Parker.” She says quietly tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “Why are you still here? How are you late leaving from your own apartment?” 

“Cancelled. It was cancelled.” 

“What? So you’re not like, superhero busy tonight?” She replies with a tone he can’t decipher but when he looks at her she’s part hurt and part excited and he can’t figure out what that means so he shakes his head at her.

“Oh.” She says looking down and he swears for the first time he can see her blushing “Well, do you wanna come to the party?” She adds biting her lower lip in a way that makes him feel dizzy. He was so close to finally knowing what she felt like, what she tastes like. 

"We can wait for you, there's no rush." She adds on quickly. 

He does. He wants to go with her. Not with her and a _Brad_. And he knows that’s stupid and selfish and she’s his best friend and he can attend a party without professing his love to her. But can he go to a party and watch her hold hands with Brad who will be trying to impress her? 

He could go with them and not make a fool of himself - right? But then he remembers when he had her hand on her back lightly and there was nothing smooth or calm about him. Seeing someone else with her like that is not something that sounds doable for him right now.

Besides, he’s like 67% sure if he’d gathered up the courage to kiss her she might have kissed him back. So he doesn’t need to go through a painful evening of watching Brad attempting to be anywhere near good enough for her.

“Oh, no it’s okay, not my thing.” He says at the same time she says, “I want you to come.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah, sorry.” She says as she looks to the ground and mumbles something about seeing them later.

"Wait, MJ -" but the door slams shut and when he goes to open it she's hugging some tall guy outside her apartment.

Closing the door he leans his forehead against it as he hears Ned, "Dude."

"I know. Fuck. I'll see her later when she comes over to explain why Brad is a douche, right? I mean she barely liked him in school." He says with a weak laugh and Ned gives him a pity slap to the shoulder.

Although he doesn’t see her later. He doesn’t see her till lunchtime the next day when he watches her date walk out of her apartment dropping a kiss to her lips as he goes. 

So, he thinks the time for Chrismukkah mixtapes are over. He’s left it too late. There will be no next year.

* * *

_Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think! 
> 
> come say hi on tumblr: i-lovethatforme


	4. all alone on christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promptmas: "where did you get that sweater?"

“So you wanna put your decorations up tonight?” Liz says running her fingers over his bicep. He smiles at her, as always. Annoyed that he’s not falling for her in the way he hoped he would a few dates in. She’s nice, she’s really nice and she’s beautiful by anyone’s standards. She’s funny and she’s smart, and he really likes her. Just not enough. He knows it’s unfair, and he should probably let her down gently or should have five months ago but he thought it was all a part of moving on. It doesn’t help that the object of his desires lives across the hall and he sees her at least once a day. 

He could and probably should distance himself from her if he wants any chance at a normal future relationship. But the thought makes his heart plummet. It’s probably unhealthy, he should probably try to work on it. But the thought of nothing having her in his life doesn’t seem worth it. He’d be settling with whoever he was with he’s sure - and that’s not fair on either of them.

He’s brought back to the coffee place they’re in when she squeezes her fingers around his arm, and he remembers her question. It’s only December tenth, and he’s meant to be lighting the menorah with Ned and MJ today and then they do decorations next week and they’ve never changed that tradition. But more than that, he puts his decorations up with _only_ Ned and MJ and he doesn’t feel the need to add someone else and he thinks that’s the main issue. Especially when he thinks Ned might ask to bring Betty and he’d be more than glad to make room for her. He tries not to think about MJ asking to bring Brad. It would be reasonable he guesses, them being together officially for ten months.

“Er, decorations usually go up next week - lighting the menorah today.” He says suddenly nervous. 

“Oh, cool. I can make next week, should I bring something Hanukkah-y?” 

And he’s struck with how perfect she is - and how he’s still completely in love with someone else. 

“Liz -” He says with a soft voice as he puts his hand over hers. 

“It’s her, isn’t it?” She replies not completely unkindly although he’s not sure he deserves it all.

“No - I -” He stutters out and he realises he’s holding his own arm because she’s slipped hers out. He hates himself for hurting her. Neither of them has said I love you but he knows she must feel more for him than he does her. 

“Just tell her, Pete. So you don’t hurt someone else okay.” She says with a kiss to his cheek as she gets up and he makes no attempt to stop her leaving the cafe.

Her words play on his mind the entire walk home. He knows he’s been ridiculously head over heels for Michelle since school, but he thought he was doing a better job of being so obvious about it. The last thing he wants is for anyone that he’s with to be second-guessing his feelings for them. He just didn’t have enough time to figure out whether or not he was ever going to develop those feelings for Liz. It’s not fair to her though, no matter how he spins it. 

He feels awful about it. Should he text her to explain? It was never his intention to make her feel less than. He was always careful with how much he spoke about Michelle or touched her whenever Liz was around - wasn’t he? He needs to talk to May and Ned in that order. 

Walking into his apartment he sees neither of them, but he does see MJ surrounded by Christmas decoration boxes. 

“Hey, Pete.” She says and she sounds sad and any thought he’d had before just left with the swinging of the door. “Can we put decorations up today?” 

“Yeah of course, whatever you want.” He says hanging his coat up and going to sit on the floor next to her. He’s never been able to deny her anything, and now he’s wondering how often he said yes to her when he would have questioned it with anyone else. 

“What’s wrong?” He asks when their knees are touching and he moves her hair from her face. It’s while he’s tucking the strands behind her shoulder that he realises this might not be as friendly as he assumed either. He’s never seen Ned move her hair for her. But she’s never called him out on it so he assumed it was what friends did - knowing that even though he’s head over heels for her, she’s his best friend first. But it’s been four years and he’s completely unaware of where his romantic feelings and friendly feelings start to intertwine - can they ever truly be separated once you’re in love?

Swallowing the guilt that threatens to spill out of him he uses his hands to lift his body, aiming to face her more but ultimately trying to bring some space between them. He might have ruined his chances with Liz by not attempting to get over Michelle - clearly confusing what is and isn’t acceptable when you’re dating someone else. But she has a boyfriend, Brad. He doesn’t _dislike_ him. But he knows Brad can't stand him, and he can understand why now. 

He can hardly keep his hands still when he watches Brad touch MJ in any way, even if the touches are innocent because she appears to not like PDA which he is unbelievably grateful for - so he can see why Brad wouldn’t enjoy it if Peter casually touched her anytime she came close by. 

“I broke up with Brad.” She says pulling some ornaments out the box as he calmly loses his shit. 

“What? What - why? Are you okay?” He says shocked but truly wanting to know the answer because he would never want her to be upset. 

“Yeah. I just - it wasn’t working out.” She says organising the baubles into colour piles. He grabs her hand as she places another one in the blue pile although he’s pretty sure it should be green. 

“Em -” he waits till she looks at him “- I thought things were good? What’s going on?” 

“He told me he loved me.” She says quietly, dropping her gaze back to the floor but keeping her hand in his.

“Oh.” He manages to whisper out. 

He’s not distraught at the news that they broke up but he'd be lying if he said he didn’t want her to be happy over anything else. She’s his best friend and he wants whatever she wants, so if he has to talk to her about whether or not she’s in love with someone he can do that. He can tell her all the reasons not to be scared - knowing that he’s a hypocrite because if he had the courage, maybe they’d be holding hands for real right now and not discussing whether or not she’s in love with someone else.

“You don’t - erm…. Why did you break up with him?” Because ultimately he’s confused. Isn’t that what everyone wants? It's what he hopelessly wants, just with the wrong person. 

She huffs sadly in front of him and he wants to help, he’s just completely out of his depth with talking about love around her. Clearly, he’s never done a very good job at it. He’s only been trying to figure out how to tell her for years - insanely jealous that Brad has the confidence to tell her just that, even if it ended badly for him. He’s been going borderline insane with the fact that Brad’s been getting to know her in the ways Peter is desperate too. 

“No -” she says looking at him with watery eyes “-I don’t.” He gulps loudly, grip on her hand tightening. 

“I just - I feel awful. We were never supposed to be serious, you know? I told him from the get-go that I wasn’t - that I didn’t want that with him and it’s stupid and selfish because I knew after a while that he felt more for me and I didn’t _do_ anything about it.” 

“You’re not selfish, Michelle. It’s okay to want to try with someone. It’s not your fault it didn’t go where you wanted it to.” He says rubbing his thumb lightly over her wrist as she sniffs and rubs her other hand along her nose. 

“It is when I knew I wanted it with someone else.”

“Em -” he says and it sounds pained and desperate. 

“I should never have even let him stay after the party. I knew then that he at least liked me. But now he’s hurt because _I_ was hurt then and ugh, he was a good distraction and -” she screws her face up and it pains him how badly he doesn’t want her to feel like this. And he feels disgusting because deep down he knows this means she won’t get back with him and the twisted part of himself that he’s been trying to hide is inwardly screaming. “- now he’s heartbroken and it’s Christmas time and I’m an asshole.”

“You’re not, Michelle. Come on -” 

“Sorry, I’m ruining decorations.” She laughs out and tries to pull her hand back but he counters and pulls her into a hug instead. She’s half in his lap and half on the floor and she hasn’t been this close since last year when he fucked it all up. He never thought she’d be this close again. All he really wants to do is kiss her, but she’s just broken up with Brad and like him or not, that just feels rude. 

She repositions so she’s sat cross-legged in front of him and he pulls her up into his lap. 

“Pete - this is…” She says eyes swimming with unshed tears and he can’t tell whether it’s over Brad, or Liz or someone else. 

“We’re not - we broke up. Literally today.” He huffs out a humourless laugh and how similar their mornings have been. 

“Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?” She says tilting his chin up and he sees the worry etched all over her face. He hums as he brings her into a hug - hoping it helps her as much as it helps him. She puts her arms cautiously around his shoulders and lays her chin over his shoulder as he wraps his arms tightly around her waist. 

They’ve hugged briefly and casually brushed their fingers, and sometimes they’ll adjust something for the other but otherwise they haven’t touched like this in months. The memory of what she feels like against him was burned into his memory the second it happened, but he somehow forgot how warm she was. She hums when she’s settled and he can’t believe he might get another chance at this. 

Not right now - he’s seen enough on TV and in real life of people who jump from one relationship to another, and it seems far too disrespectful to either of their previous partners but God, he has to try. 

She shifts against him and groans, “not comfy.” She says shifting her body weight onto her forearms that she’s placed on his shoulders as leverage and pulls her legs out to wrap them around him and the feeling of sitting back down flush against him has him thinking inappropriate things. 

“What happened?” She says running his fingers along the back of his neck. 

“Oh, you know -” just ridiculously in love with my best friend we both knew it “- just wasn’t working.” 

“Sorry.” She says with a sigh as he runs his fingers up and down her spine. He’s pulled out of his thoughts by how soft she is under him, but it's not her skin. It’s a sweater he swears he’s never seen. It’s embarrassing how well he knows her wardrobe.

“Where did you get this sweater?” He asks because he’s trying to distract both of them from the heavy conversation and because it’s ridiculously soft and he wants to steal it as soon as possible. 

“It’s one of your Christmukkah gifts.” She says like it’s no big deal she’s already wearing it. Is it from her? Did she unwrap one of his gifts from May? It seems unlikely but he’d let her do it anyway.

“MJ -”

“I’ll get you something else. I just needed something that was yours, it makes me feel better. But I was too lazy to go get something from your closet.” He wishes he could say these kinds of things so casually as if it doesn’t take him ten minutes to overthink how to ask her how her day was. 

“Are you mad?” 

“I could never be mad at you, Michelle. As long as I get it though, it feels nice.”

“Split custody.” She says with a tone and he knows she’s smirking next to him. 

His answering laugh makes her move against him and he has to stop immediately, “I don’t think -” he clears his throat “- you’re supposed to get me things that I have to split with you.” 

She pulls back to look at him and he’s never managed to get over how lovely she is. 

“Please.” She says quietly like she knows he’d give her anything. 

“Yeah -” he responds with a whisper “-whatever you want.”

She rests her head in the crook of his neck and her shoulder is so close. So he pulls the neck of the sweater down gently and presses a chaste kiss to her skin, repeating it when she lets out a shaky breath. He should have done this a year ago and he’s so mad at himself because he’s already had this chance and he monumentality messed it up. He trails featherlight kisses from her shoulder up and under her jaw - dragging his lips loosely across her skin. 

“Peter.” She says in her warning tone, but it’s breathy and fractured and he can barely cope that he’s doing this to her. That she has this reaction to him.

He pulls back to look at her and she looks like she wants him to continue and wants him to stop all at once. So he holds her face in his hands and kisses her nose, her cheeks, her forehead - anywhere but her lips. He runs his thumbs across her cheeks and she turns her face to kiss his palm. 

“Soon, okay?” She says against his hands. He’s desperately hoping he’s not misunderstanding her. That she’s waiting for a better time for them. Waiting until they haven’t both just got out of relationships. He’s waited for her for four years, he can wait a little longer. 

“Yeah. Soon -” he says with a gulp, looking at her with watery eyes, “- promise?” He adds with a laugh that’s too forced to be casual.

Next time will be the right time. He doesn’t need to wait for Christmas. He doesn’t need the mixtape. He’s in love with her and he’s pretty sure she likes him back. The timing just needs to be right. She’s looking at him like she’s not sure he’s serious. Like she’s unaware that he’d wait forever for her. 

_I love you_ , he thinks. 

“Cross my heart,” she says.

* * *

_I've got to know, where do lonely hearts go, nobody ought to be all alone on Christmas_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr: i-lovethatforme


	5. driving home for christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promptmas: 'you didn't think i'd let you spend Christmas alone did you?"

Peter slumps against the sofa in his, overly nice but not cheering him up, hotel room. He closes his eyes for a few seconds wishing the burning sensation to leave and take the lump in his throat with it. It’s no-ones fault he’s stuck here in buttfuck nowhere on Christmas Eve. He can’t blame the mission for not needing him anymore - and he can’t blame anyone but himself for missing the first round of travel. At least then he’d be with some co-works on the jet and could probably have talked one of them into letting him tag along to their houses, right? Sam seems to like him enough. 

He could probably get home to New York. It would take a good half a day on public transport, and it’s already 1 pm on Christmas Eve. He could patrol for the three days until anyone is around - but the thought of spending his holiday on a coach to go and look for problems doesn’t seem like something he can face right now. 

He doesn’t want to call May because it took him long enough to convince her to go away for Christmas because he was needed on this mission. If he called to tell her he wasn’t actually going anymore he doesn’t think he could take the guilt of her feeling guilty he’s alone. It wouldn’t be her fault but it’s a family trait. 

He goes to call Ned instead because he’d have his back and let him moan about how lonely he’s going to be and he won’t judge him for it, but he remembers Ned’s in the Philippines with his family and he doesn’t have the brainpower to work out the time difference right now. 

Throwing himself and his phone further into the sofa he contemplates having a cry - just a small one. He’s not mad about the presents, or lack of - he spends most of the year trying to convince May not to buy him anything anyway. But the holidays are his favourite time to spend with family. Specifically May, Ned and Michelle.

Michelle. He’s pretty sure she’s not in the city for Christmas this year - she hasn’t really mentioned it so he assumes she’s spending it with her family. The last few years she’s come over to his for Christmas eve and they watched a shitty rom-com while downing shots every time they rolled their eyes. He loves it. He misses her. 

She’d tell him he was stupid for trying to go on a mission at Christmas time - he could probably deal with her telling him she told him so, as long as he could hear her voice. He fishes his phone out from between the cushions of the sofa and yelps when his hand touches something sticky. Without looking at what it was, he shoves it back down, quickly washes his hands and then darts a text off to MJ to see if she’s free to chat. 

His phone lights up with a FaceTime invitation moments later - he smiles seeing her profile picture grace the screen. He took it slyly when they were on a class trip to Europe five years ago and she was laughing at something Ned said - he always seems to be the only person who can make her laugh like that. He’s not jealous, it’s not his fault Ned is the most likeable person he’s ever met. 

Swiping the video he waits the good thirty seconds it takes her to settle into a quiet room and his heart pangs at the glimpses of a Christmas jumper he sees when she moves through the corridors. 

“Hey, sorry - I wasn’t expecting you to pick up so quickly. How’s the mission?” She says while settling down on what he thinks is a bed but could well be a sofa. She’s beautiful. He always thinks she’s the prettiest person in any room but there’s something about her when she’s around her family that just lights up her face. 

“Parker?” Ooops. Caught staring for what is not the first nor will it be the last time. 

“Sorry - hi!” He says smiling dopily at her face. He misses her. He’d do pretty much anything to be with her for the next few days. Forever. Whatever. 

“So how is it? Is Tony making you wanna jump out the plane yet?” She says with a raised voice and a smirk. It plummets him back to reality - he’s alone. 

“Oh. It got cancelled. Kinda… well I missed the jet -”

“Peter! How did you miss a jet that I specifically set an alarm to wake you up for?!” She says loudly for a reason other than to annoy Tony. He doesn’t enjoy this as much. 

“Erm -”

“Wait, so are you in Queens?” 

“No. I’m stuck in God knows where -” he sighs and rubs a hand over his face, it’s no one’s fault but that doesn’t make it any easier “- I already checked and hiring a car from here would take four hours so it doesn’t make any sense for me to sit around an empty apartment in Queens when I could… just do that here.”

“Yeah, but at least you’d be in the city?”

“I called - they don’t have any cars left - or vans or lorries or motorhomes.” He hears MJ laugh sadly at him. “I mean the sales lady borderline laughed in my face.” He says trying to keep the devastation out of his voice. 

“I’m sorry, Pete-” she sighs and pulls out her laptop “- whereabouts are you? How many places did you call?” He should have known to call her straight away, she’s always been smarter and more efficient than him. Being at home would help with the loneliness he guesses. He could make boxed mac and cheese. 

He gives her the address of the hotel and watches her google a number of different things - shooting off emails and trying to look at train tickets. Her concentration face is one of his favourite things. Her eyebrows scrunch in the middle and her lips pout slightly. He could probably get through the days without a breakdown if he spent the majority of it on the phone to her - but he knows that’s unreasonable to ask. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. 

Twenty minutes later she shuts her laptop lid with what he knows is too much frustration for her quest to have been successful. His heart sinks and he tries to come to terms with the fact that he’s spending Christmas alone, in God knows where. Well, MJ knows but still. 

“Sorry… I really thought we could figure something out. We can chat and stuff though if you want?” He does want that. Before he can nod he watches as she spins to the door to see whoever is interrupting them. It is Christmas time so maybe he’s interrupting them. 

“Ugh, sorry, Parker. I’ve got to go and help make something. Call you later? Have a bath or go for a walk or something, okay? Me-” And she’s gone. 

He could go either of those things. Or - he could have a quick depression nap. Sure it’s only 1:30 and he’s not tired but God he’s down. Yanking his jumper off he slips off the sofa and walks over to the bed and makes his home for the next couple of days under the blankets. He thinks about last Christmas when he and MJ were tip-toeing around each other because neither of them has _said_ anything about their decoration talk.

He didn’t know how long to wait before asking her out, she was with Brad a lot longer than he was with Liz. And then he saw a photo of Liz on Instagram with a new girlfriend and he thought it was the perfect timing - but then MJ’s dad got sick. And then Peter had to spend two weeks at the tower because he got hit too hard in patrol and it seemed to scare both of them into ever talking about what happened again. He falls asleep dreaming of a Christmas that he can spend uninterrupted with MJ doing whatever she wants. 

He’s woken up by a knock on the door and he’s so disorientated that he thinks it might already be Christmas day. Quickly checking his phone he realises he’s been asleep four hours already - which is gonna make sleeping through the night an absolute killer. Dammit. 

There’s another knock on the door and he remembers not to keep people waiting because that’s rude - so dashes to open the door without checking his texts. Flinging it open - 

“Take your time, Parker!” Michelle says walking past him into the room with a smile. What? God, he loves her. She’s wearing an outrageously bright Christmas jumper and a pair of reindeer antlers and he loves her. 

“Okay, so quick turn around, put this on -” she throws him something fluffy looking at him and a Santa hat “- and repack if you unpacked and let’s go!” He’s only ever seen her this animated on really happy occasions and it’s his favourite. Michelle at her utter happiest when she’s too overcome to hide any of her emotions. She’s unabashedly smiling at him and he knows he looks like a fool just staring at her, but God she’s pretty. 

“What’s going on?” he says with the same amount of love he directs at her for everything. 

“We’re going home… if you want to come with me?” She says as though she knows how gone he is for her. How he’d follow her anywhere. 

“Yes. Yeah - yes, please.” She’s smiling at him and he’s so in love with her. 

“I don’t have anything though - is that okay? I can grab something -” He says running his hand through his hair in exasperation. Shit. He’s going to be with her entire family and he hasn’t even got gifts. 

“You don’t need to bring anything dork.” But he should, right?

“Mich-”

“I put your name on all my tags before I left.” She says smiling at him and fuck has it ever been this hard to not tell her everything? He’s staring at her slightly wide-eyed and there’s a happy lump in his throat that he tries to swallow around. 

“I just - I have to brush my teeth.” And he darts into the bathroom with his washbag and jumper to try and calm down. He does brush his teeth while mentally preparing himself to not spill that he wants to marry her every time she so much as looks in his direction. He’s not sure why, he’s been waiting for the time to be right, and it can’t be any clearer but he’s nervous. It’s Michelle. Spitting into the sink he closes his eyes and thinks about how awkward it would be if he ruined this gesture she did for him. How next time it would mean having to spend Christmas alone in a nice but shitty hotel room.

Realistically he knows she must have liked him in some way last year, but it’s been twelve months. And she’s MJ. She doesn’t need to wait around for anyone to get their shit together. Least of all him. He swaps his shirt out for the jumper she threw at him. It has a picture of Spiderman surrounded by snowflakes and he loves her. He lets out a deep breath and rinses his toothbrush before he works up the courage to leave the bathroom. 

Walking out he puts his toothbrush back in his washbag as Michelle walks over to him with something in her hands. She stops just shy of her chest brushing his and he can barely think at the best of times when she’s this close - let alone when she’s driven four hours when she could have been with her family, to come and get him so he’s not alone. 

“Em-” 

“Here.” She reaches up to place the Santa hat on his head and she’s so close to him and she smells so good that he gets lost in it all and places his hands on her waist. He notices her breathing hitch slightly but she still successfully places the hat at a wonky angle with a laugh. 

She pulls back slightly but not too far that his hands need to drop from the home they’ve made around her waist - and it turns out not far enough that she can’t lace her arms behind his neck. She’s dangerously beautiful this close. 

“Hey.”

“Hey - are you ready to go?” She says but she’s tracing the neck of his jumper and he can hardly breathe let alone answer her. He nods slightly while pulling her closer to his body. His eyes flicker between hers and her lips in question, desperately hoping he’s not fucking this up beyond repair. 

If he’s learnt anything since he was sixteen it’s that anything can happen at Christmas time, you've just gotta be brave enough to go for it. Even your insanely intelligent, talented, beautiful best friend letting you kiss them, letting you love them. 

She smiles softly back at him in answer and meets him halfway. Her body fits against his in the way he remembers but it’s so much better when they’re kissing, the warmth she brings to him makes him feel as though he’s going to combust into a million balls of sunshine. 

The kiss is warm and soft and everything he’s ever dreamed of a first kiss with Michelle being. Her hands have slipped from the back of his neck to grasp the sides of his face and he thinks she could save the world with her hands alone. He pulls away slightly to check she’s as happy with this situation as he is. She pulls his face back to hers and presses her lips against his over and over again until it’s just their smiles meeting each other and their giggling in the middle of a random hotel room. 

He slips one hand to cradle the back of her neck and the kiss naturally deepens and it’s all he could ever have wished for. Her tongue traces his lip and he moans down her throat as he backs her into the wall. 

“Em.” He whispers for no reason other than to convince himself this isn’t a nap induced dream when she starts peppering kisses down the column of his throat.

Michelle for her part has moved one hand to the base of his jumper and seems to be fighting a war as to whether or not she should touch skin - while the other hand is tightly gripping the side of his neck - he’s pretty sure she’s trying to ruin him and he’s more than okay with it. Especially when she slowly strokes his tongue with hers. 

“We need to go -” she says against his lips and if she thinks he’s going to be the one to pull away from her she is mistaken “- I don’t want to, _fuck_ , I really don’t want too -” she slowly traces his skin under the bottom of his jumper and he might combust due to how soft she is “- but we’re going to miss game night and then Lily will be upset with me.” She has her whole hand flattened against his hip and _God_ he wants to stay here, with her, forever. But she drove all the way out here for him, and he wants to spend Christmas with her and her family. 

“Let's go then.” He responds while tilting her chin up so he can leave a kiss below her ear. He pulls back because he does have some self-control. He fully intends to let go of her waist, pack his bag and get in the car - honestly. But she’s so close when he opens his eyes and her lips are wet and swollen from kissing him and he loves her. 

“I - you’re here.”

“You didn’t think I’d let you spend the holidays all alone did you?” She replies with a soft smile and even softer eyes. 

“I’m so in love with you.” He manages to not stutter out when her fingers trace the lines of his abs.

“I love you right back.” She replies easily as if she’s been waiting to say it as long as he has. He huffs out a laugh, there’s no way he’s this lucky. She pecks him on the lips and removes her hands from him and he feels unreasonably cold without her pressed against him - but she moves to throw the rest of his stuff in his bag. 

“If we don’t get in the car right now, I don’t think I’ll be able to leave this room without seeing what you look like naked.” She says while screwing up a shirt and pushing it into his bag. 

He knows he’s blushing and he doesn’t care - “MJ.,” he says as a warning - for who he’s not sure. Walking up behind her he pulls her back flush to his chest and presses a chaste kiss behind her ear. She sighs and leans back against him and it takes all of his superhero strength to not throw her on the bed. 

“Let’s go - I wanna beat you at a game at least once tonight. We both know that is hard at the best of times, let alone if I see what _you_ look like naked." She laughs against him and it stirs something deep in his chest and crotch and they need to leave. 

“I’ll drive if you want?” He says as he picks his bag up and goes to put his shoes on. She hums in agreement. 

Michelle threads her fingers through his on the walk to the car and he can’t believe he forgot this would be a part of it. God, he wishes he told her how he felt five years ago. But she’s here, and he really thinks it could work with them. And even if it doesn’t - although the thought makes his heart drop - they’ve built a relationship now, so he thinks he’d be fine anyway. So maybe him not having the courage to give her the mixtape all these times worked out. 

They’re on the freeway - Michelle has her head on his shoulder and she’s playing lazily with his fingers while humming a Christmas tune and he realises he can tell her everything now. 

Clearing his throat he starts, “When anyone talks about love - being in love, falling in love, whatever… you’re all I see. You’ve been all I can see since we were sixteen.”

“Yeah?” She says as if she’s half asleep and he can’t wait to fall asleep with her later. 

He continues because it’s easier to say this without looking directly at her, “It’s not going to be as easy as being friends - and that scares me. Has scared me since I knew what it would do to me if I ever lost you. But I want to stumble through it, with you. If you want that with me, I really want to do it with you.”

"Do I wanna spend the rest of my life figuring things out with you?" She yawns as she moves under his arm to hug his body, he's very glad she bought the truck with one long front seat no matter how much noise it makes "You're my best friend - always will be hopefully. But yes I wanna kiss you whenever I feel like it as well. So yeah, what do you say? Shall I introduce you as my boyfriend when we get home?" She finishes with a cheeky tone but yes, God he has wanted that since he was sixteen. 

The way she casually mentions home makes his heart thump. She's always been home to him. 

"Absolutely." He says with a kiss to the top of her head that makes her hum into his side.

Christmas Eve won't always mean driving four hours with Michelle tucked into his side. Next year hopefully they'll start the day together, maybe he'll even manage to give her the mixtape that he's not sure works anymore. He doesn't really care what happens as long as she's here with him, and she's happy. 

He strokes her arm as she falls asleep next to him - soon he'll need to move her so he can change gear, but right now everything is perfect and he can't help the smile that weaves across his face. 

"Merry Christmas, Pete - you're the best gift I’ve ever gotten."

He gasps because she's sappy when she's sleepy and he is ecstatic about it. Although they've been friends for years and he's the most comfortable he could be around her - he's nervous to mess this up. So he doesn't tease her for it.

So he simply replies, "You're the best gift I could ever get, MJ." It's painfully true.

"Nerd." 

He laughs heartily and wonders if any of the other people travelling can tell this is the best Christmas of his life. 

"Go to sleep, Em. I'll wake you up when we get home."

* * *

_I take a look at the driver next to me, he's just the same. He's driving home, driving home, driving home for Christmas_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come say hi on tumblr: i-lovethatforme


	6. love is everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> promptmas: "Do you like it?" "I love it"

Okay, so he has a plan. Sure, it didn’t work the last couple of times he tried, but since then he’s told her he loves her at least twelve times a day. So his major flaw is no longer an issue. The plan now is to spend the day in their apartment, make her lunch, ask her to marry him and don’t tell her that he asked her Dad first. 

He spends the morning sneakily adding extra mistletoe to their apartment while she sleeps. It’s their first Christmas Eve waking up with each other so he’s trying to tiptoe around to do finishing touches and then slip back into bed before she figures out he’s missing. He’s been awake since six am, but then again he’s never been able to sleep in and sit still when he’s excited. 

He’s finishing laying out pancake ingredients when he hears her breathing change and runs into the bedroom to sneak into bed pulling her against his chest.

“Where were you?” She says as she pulls his hands to her mouth. “You weren’t here when I woke up.” She says like she knows what he was doing while kissing his knuckles. 

“I was making sure your present is ready.” He says repaying her with lazy kisses down the back of her neck. He has to move her hair to make it work but he’s not mad about the extra effort. 

“It’s not Christmas until tomorrow.” She says spinning to him and he hasn’t seen her face open and happy since last night and he missed her. 

He moves the hair from her face, “morning.” He says kissing her mouth lightly, purposefully because if he deepens it now he’ll never get to ask her before they go to Ned’s this evening. 

“Happy anniversary.” She says rolling him onto his back and dammit he’s never able to resist her. But the movement reminds him there’s a ring box in his pocket and he lifts her up to stand them both on the hard floor. She pouts. He loves her.

“I’m making pancakes.” He says and watches as the pout lessens and she thinks about whether or not to be mad. 

“With chocolate chips?”

“And banana.” Her answering smile makes him even more excited for the day. 

“Loser cooks!” She says running and slightly slipping on the floor to the kitchen. They both know he could win. He could win every time she played this game. He never does. 

As she finishes her fourth pancake and Peter rounds of his ninth, he asks if he can put some music on. She looks at him like he doesn’t need to ask, but he’s nervous and that must show on his face because she kisses him quickly but firmly on the lips. 

He puts the gift in her hands but presses play on his phone because it turns out he can’t find a CD player easily and if MJ found out he bought one specifically for one event she’d be rightfully mad. She’d probably forgive him given the circumstances but still. 

As she unwraps the case and her gaze flickers up to him in amusement he tries to explain. 

“I had an idea six years ago, to give you this -” he says gesturing to the CD “- and I had this grand plan that I worked out with May for like, an insanely long time. Anyway, I was going to give it to you and tell you that I liked you.” The first song starts playing and she looks around the apartment with tears in her eyes and he loves her. “But, I messed it up. Continuously, but I’ve added another song to the end that I think you’ll like. So, I wanted to give it to you now.” 

“Pete -” She whispers while looking between him and the doodles on the front. 

“I’ve known that I’ve loved you since I made this, and I held onto it in the hopes that one day I could give it to you. And I’m so lucky that I can now. You’re my life Michelle, and I’m so in love with you.” 

She springs from her seat placing the CD a little too hard on the kitchen worktop but it’s okay, he forgives her as she throws her arms around him.

“Do you like it?” He whispers against her neck. 

“I love it.” She replies holding her hand out to him, “dance with me?” 

She dips him at the ending of the first song. 

She lets him twirl her around when the second one starts.

He makes them sit on the couch when he finds her dancing in her hanukkah pyjamas to Christmas songs he prepared six years ago to erotic.

“Can I give you my present now?” She says sitting cross legged next to him on the couch and he’s resigned himself to the fact that he’s never going to get over how pretty she is. 

“Not yet - there’s four songs left.” He says because the ring box has been digging into his thigh for half the day and he’s nervous and excited and terrified all at once. But he needs the song first. He’s waited six years to give her the mixtape, he can wait twenty minutes to ask her this. 

“Pete -” she says with a low whine which they both know makes him cave usually, but not today - it’s their first anniversary and they’re only twenty-two so really there’s no rush. But he’s been sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with her since she first gave Ned half her sandwich because he forgot his lunch. He’s not even sure she knew his name yet. And he wasted so much time before - they’ve talked about marriage before, Peter mentioning it in passing embarrassingly soon into their relationship, but she didn’t mind. 

He jumps slightly on the couch when he realises she’s used him thinking about her to sneak up on him, lightly kissing his neck, “please. I want you to have it.”

“Em-” but he’s already lost, she’s willing to trade. She moves her leg to straddle him, he moves his hands to her waist before she can pull herself flush to him - revelling in the way she yelps as he flips them so her back is on the couch and he can lean above her.

“Asshole.” She says looking up at him with a smile.

“I love you.” He says kissing her in hopes of a distraction.

“It’s a really good gift -” she says as he pulls away, rolling his eyes because when she wants something, she can have it “- I made it.” 

“Okay -” he says leaning down to kiss her but she slips out from underneath him and he barely bites back a groan. It’s been the best year of his life, even when she pulls that trick on him numerous times a day - he falls for it every time.

When he’s sat upright on the couch again, in her space - he sees her holding a card and she looks nervous and he never wants her to be nervous with him but there’s an undercurrent of excitement and he wants to know what it is. 

“So -” she clears her throat “- I drew this for you.”

“Spoilies.” He says so she’ll glare at him because she’s stunning when she glares at him. She doesn’t though, she smiles and bites her bottom lip and he chokes out a breath. 

“As I was saying -” she says walking over to sit opposite him on the couch “- I drew this for you. And I was meant to give it to you when we were sixteen.” She meets his eyes and laughs as his slack jaw. She’s been waiting to give him something for six years? God, he loves her. He can’t wait to ask her to spend forever with him. 

“I bought it with me when we went to Ned’s the first year we were friends. But I got too nervous to give it to you because you said you hated me.” He gasps because he’s never had a bad thought about her, and he’s heartbroken that she thought that’s what he meant when he was being a dumbass.

“I’ve never hated you -” He starts with pleading eyes until she smirks. “You’re messing with me.” He lets out a relieved sigh and grabs her foot to put in his lap, encouraging her to continue. There are only two songs left before he’s supposed to ask and he’s slightly panicking. But she  _ made  _ him something, so if he has to redo the proposal he can. 

“And then I went to give it to you the next year - I couldn’t do it mid year because there are Christmukkah vibes to it and that’s weird - but anyway.” She says as if she’s flustered and he adores her. “I didn’t give it to you then because you outed yourself in the most Peter way possible, and I thought maybe it was enough secrets for one year. And then the party fiasco and Brad and Liz.” He finds he doesn’t wince when she says his name anymore - they’re it for each other. He’s sure of it. He wouldn’t have May’s ring in his pocket if he wasn’t. 

“And last year I figured the drawing needed an addition - so - here.” She says handing him the envelope. As he opens it the song he’s been waiting all year for starts playing, but she doesn’t seem to have noticed the lyrics, too caught up in whether or not he likes what she’s drawn.

He’s crying before the envelope is fully opened and when he looks up to her she’s crying slightly too. Pulling the card out he can see a drawing of her, at sixteen and Peter, as Spider-Man. The drawing is flawless in the same way that everything Michelle does is flawless. As he brings more of the drawing out he can see the speech bubble that leaves her side saying, ‘I love you, nerd.’

“Did -” he clears his throat “- is that the addition? Or -” He lets out a happy sob when she shakes her head. He’s an idiot. He needs to find the addition if he has any hopes of pulling the proposal off - but he’s just found out she’s been trying to give him a gift for six years so he thinks maybe he can propose over pizza instead. He put the song on the tracklist at least six times because he thought it would take him so long to get it out. He’s found whenever he says something he loves about her, it takes him a while to stop. So he could try again when the songs on its third time round.

Or maybe he won’t have to. Because when he has the rest of the drawing out, he can see another speech bubble at the bottom that reads, ‘Will you marry me?’

“Michelle, oh my God.” He says breathlessly as he runs his fingers over the words again and again. He moves the drawing quickly when the tears start falling too fast. 

“Pete -” his neck snaps up to meet her because she sounds uncertain. He pulls her towards him by her foot and laughs with her while she scrambles to get in his lap. Holding her face between his hands he kisses her once. 

“Yes, yes, God - of course, MJ.” He says pulling her into him - not even caring that she stole his proposal. He can barely hear the sounds of the song over how happy they are. 

“Sorry I didn’t get you a ring.” She says as if he cares if she ever gets him anything ever again. 

“Then I guess I still win huh.” He replies with a kiss as he pushes her back until her back is on the couch and she’s pouting at him. 

“How do you win my proposal?” She says with false annoyance but she’s smiling at him and she’s so beautiful in the fairy lights that he almost forgets what his point was. 

“I got you a ring.” He replies far too shaky to be as suave as he was hoping. Oh well, she’s known him since he was sixteen - he’s not hiding anything from her. 

“Peter.” She lightly gasps as he slides off the couch onto one knee in front of her. Opening the ring box towards him he takes a deep breath and spins it around, watches as she looks down at it and then straight back to him and he can do this. 

“Em -” she lunges towards him grasping his face in her hands and pulling him into a kiss. He lets one hand let go of the ring to pull her closer by the back of her neck. It’s all teeth clashing and lip biting and europhic in the way that he hopes never changes, as she gets on the floor with him. He puts his knee down so she can straddle him and he thinks about how all their big life occurrences have happened with one of them between the other's legs. 

She pulls his lips back to hers when her knees are either side of him. “Ask me.” She says between kisses and he laughs, pulling her away from him slightly but she pulls back. 

“Ask me here.” She says slipping her tongue into his mouth as he groans around her. He gets lost in the feel of her lips against his when the song restarting reminds him he needs to  _ ask  _ her. 

“Em, honey -” he uses some of his strength on her, just this once - or she lets him move her, he can never be sure. She leans back so he can see her, her arms still around his neck. She’s flushed and excited and his future wife and he adores her. 

“Okay -” and he knows what to say, he’s been thinking about this moment for years at this point, but he can’t stop smiling. “Em.” He says with all the emotion he can gather, which is however he speaks when she’s around. 

“Peter -” she says smiling back at him, leaning forwards again to capture his lips, “- ask me.” She kisses him again before he can speak, the ring box is trapped somewhere between them “- I love you so much -'' she says pulling back slightly, and he’s so in awe of her at all time “- I want to marry you, so ask me.” 

“Yeah - I want to, stop distracting me.” He says lightly squeezing her waist and she twitches against him and his eyes darken. 

“Sorry.” She says with a tone that suggests she’s not at all sorry. He cannot wait to spend the rest of his life with her messing with him. She starts tracing the collar behind his neck slowly and she  _ knows  _ him so she knows what she’s doing. 

He pulls her hands from behind his neck and holds them behind her back with one of his hands, pulling her close to him - while his other hand searches for the ring box. When his head drifts back from the floor to look at her, ring box in hand, she arches her body to kiss him. He lets out a yelp which she laughs at without moving her lips away from his and he should have realised this is how the proposal would go. 

He thought about a fancy dinner, but his favourite moments with her happen when they’re both just in their apartment. He wouldn’t change a thing about today, and he certainly wouldn’t change MJ slipping her wrists out of his grasp to pull on his hair. So he decides to do it whenever she breaks for air. 

“MJ, I love you. I want -” and her lips are on his again and he can’t find the strength or will to stop her. So he enjoys the press of her body against his until there’s another chance. 

“I want to spend -” 

“Sorry. I’m stopping, I’ll stop.” She says looking sheepish and he leans forwards to pull her back. 

“I never want you to stop.” But she does, and she looks at him like she wants him to ask her to marry him. So he clears his throat - after all, he really does want to see the ring on her finger. 

“I love you. I have loved you since I first met you. Specifically the second lunch we had together where you split your lunch with Ned.” She quirks her eyebrow at him like she’s astounded he remembers that as if he could ever forget anything about her. 

“I know you’re supposed to say that someone isn’t perfect, but you love them anyway. Flaws and all kinds of things. But, Em - you’re the most perfect person I’ve ever met. I can’t believe I’m this lucky, that you want to spend your time with me. That you let me love you. That you’ll let me love you forever.” He clears his throat and moves her slightly backwards so he can get the ring again. 

He doesn’t kneel up again, but he does position it so she’ll see it in his hand. “I’m so crazy in love with you. I want to wake up cold every day because you stole the covers during the night. I want to eat omelettes every morning when you wake up first because you feel bad that you stole the blankets. I want whatever you want for the rest of time.” His eyes are full of tears and he blinks them away because they make his sight fuzzy and he doesn’t want to miss a second of Michelle’s reaction. 

“I love you so much.” He says letting out a watery laugh and opening the box again to turn it to her, watching her smile grow even wider. He wonders if she knows it’s May’s ring. “Michelle Grace Jones, will you marry me?” 

She nods her head while the tears flow down her cheeks and she pulls his faces to hers. “Yes, of course, I’ll marry you.” He slides the ring out of the box as their lips meet and when she pulls back he slides it on her finger watching with mesmerisation as she flexes her fingers with it on.

“Feels weird?” He says breathlessly. She’s going to be his wife. He’s going to marry his best friend and he can’t wait. 

She shakes her head at him and he can see the fairy lights reflected in her watery eyes, “feels perfect.”

“It’s May’s -” he says quickly and her eyes snap back to his “- but when I told her I wanted to marry you when I was 18 she told me I could have it when I was ready to ask. But if you want something else we can do that as well. Whatever you want.” He carries on truthfully. He won’t be hurt if she doesn’t like the ring. 

“It’s May’s?” She says and her voice cracks and he can’t believe he thought she might want to swap it. She might love May more than she loves him. 

“Yeah.”

“I love you. _ I love you.  _ I can’t believe I get to be a part of your family.” She says, wiping tears from her face. 

“You always have been. Sorry, it took me so long to get here.” He says knowing it’s silly because they’re barely twenty-two but he would have married her the second he turned eighteen. 

“It’s perfect - you’re perfect.” She says leaning in to kiss him again. He kisses her until his knees are sore from the floor until he lifts her in his arms to take her to the bedroom. But he can’t start the engagement keeping anything from her so on the walk he says. 

“I asked your Dad. Well, I told your Dad. And kind of asked him, but if he’d said no I would have asked you anyway. But -” 

“Peter - It’s okay. He would have liked that and besides, I asked May.” 

“Of course you did.” He says with the sheer love and adoration he has for bursting from every part of him. 

“I have two questions for you.” She says as he lays her down on their bed. 

“The answer is yes.” He says as he crawls on top of her, peppering kisses up and down her throat. “But humour me, what are they?”

“Can I have Ned in my wedding party?” She says, breath hitching as he reaches her pulse point. 

“He told me he was your maid of honour when we were seventeen,” he replies easily and she laughs like she should have known that. 

“The other thing?” He says pulling her top over her head. “How do you get more beautiful every time I look at you?” He says before she has a chance to put in her second request. 

“Dork.” But she blushes anyway and he leans to kiss her nose. 

“Can we get married on New Year's Eve?” She asks with her lip between her teeth. Every decision she’s ever had is flawless. 

“Yes. Let's do that.” He replies excitedly while kissing her neck “Is a year enough time? What do you have to do for a wedding? Where do you want to get married?” He is suddenly aware he’s desperate to talk to her about their wedding.

“I’d marry you anywhere. And I mean… this year.” 

“Like in six days?” He says looking down at her and she nods like she’s unsure if he’s going to agree but fuck if he didn’t want to be her husband yesterday. He thinks to hell with it. He waited six years to tell her he loved her and yet waiting six days to become her husband almost feels like too much. 

“Yeah, six days. Let’s get married in six days.”

* * *

_ ‘Is it the look in your eyes or is it just dancing juice? Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you.’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks love you bye! xxx
> 
> Peter's note inside the CD, probably....
> 
> MJ! 
> 
> I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, if you celebrate Christmas. I think you do, you mentioned it at Aca Dec. Anyway, I hope you like this. I swear I only spent like three dollars on it. But I really like you, MJ. Maybe you might want to get pizza with me after school one day? Any day. I can be free when you are. Hope you enjoy the mixtape. 
> 
> Love, Peter (Parker)
> 
> All I Want For Christmas Is You  
> Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas  
> Last Christmas  
> All Alone On Christmas  
> Driving Home For Christmas  
> Love Is Everything  
> Marry You  
> Marry You  
> Marry You  
> Marry You  
> Marry You  
> Marry You

**Author's Note:**

> Jess tries a slowburn...
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr: i-lovethatforme


End file.
